Creating New Traditions When Parents Divorce or Split Up

At this time of year, holidays and traditions abound.  If you're struggling with a divorce or a family split-up, the last thing you want to think about is having a "happy" holiday.

Even though your family is undergoing a major change, it is very important to create new family traditions in your new family home.  Your children need stability, and need activities to look forward to.

So, when your heart is breaking, and you don't have much money, how can you possibly create your own family traditions?   Well, here are a few suggestions to get you started:

1.   Let the kids help create new traditions.  Talk to them about what you always did for Thanksgiving, or Christmas or Easter when you still lived all together.  Ask them what THEY want to do to celebrate this holiday with you.  They may want to keep parts of the tradition from before, or change it completely.  Let them have a choice.  The more involved they are in the creation of the tradition, the more they will want to continue the tradition.

2.   Remember this is just as stressful on the kids as it is you - maybe even more so.  Keep plans to a minimum.  You will have tired and cranky kids on your hands.  The last thing you want is some complicated plan that no one will enjoy.  There is nothing wrong with a new tradition of watching a favorite movie, eating popcorn, and drinking hot chocolate, all while dressed in your favorite PJs.

3.    Don't be afraid to ask for help - from your family, your friends, even your kids!  Ask the kids to help clean up, do the dishes, peel or clean veggies for dinner.  The kids always feel better if they feel needed.  If you are so strong and so competent all the time, no one will feel that you need them around.

4.    If there are too many painful reminders to create a new tradition in your home, consider finding a whole new change of scenery.  A mini-vacation, a trip to the park, or a night in a hotel eating junk food in bed and watching cartoons might very well be a well-deserved break, and a brand-new tradition for you and your children.

5.   Be realistic.  You aren't the Simpsons, but you aren't the Brady Bunch either.  Nothing is going to be picture-perfect, especially the first year.  Just take lots of pictures, and enjoy the time with your kids.

Remember:  they are kids.  They are not your ex, nor your friends telling you what or what not to do.  Just recall how often kids play with a box that the toy comes in, rather than the toy itself.  All it takes is a little imagination, and the simplest thing (watching parades, reading a special story, making chocolate milk, and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the couch) could become you and your children's favorite new family tradition.